The Ursuline Chronicle

Vine: Gone but not Forgotten

Valerie Cradler, Senior Editor

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While the majority of incoming freshman have changed their Instagram or Twitter bios to something along the lines of UD’22 or Yale University 2022 mine takes an alternate route with two powerful words: RIP Vine. This choice of mine is bold and probably rather outlandish (and sarcastic) as it prevents me from interacting with potential classmates but, I will not budge and conform to those who have forgotten the green cursive “V”. Vine lives on in my heart and hopefully after reading this, it will in yours too.

For those of you who lived under a rock from the years 2013-2017, vine is an app created by Dom Hoffmann where users were encouraged to post 7 second videos. Vines ranged from hilarious stunts, punny jokes, singing and dancing to pointless comedic references. Personally, vine was the bain of my existence and I am not saying this lightly when I say that without it, there is a void in my life. To quote Soft Cell, an English synthpop duo who came to prominence in the early 1980s with their hit cover “Tainted Love”…, “And I’ve lost my light, For I toss and turn I can’t sleep at night”. With all due respect, here is the obituary Vine never received by the person who may have valued it the most…

“Vine died January 17th, 2017 as Dan Hoffmann pulled the plug on the app that had become littered with cancerous viners such as Jacob Sagatorious, LeLePons and any and all members of the ‘MAGCON’ group. Vine lived a fruitful life and brought joy to those around in the time spent on earth. Today, we remember the legacy it withstands, the timeline it has changed and most importantly, the people it has touched”

Maybe I’m being irrational? Maybe I should be applying to college instead of writing obituaries for a fictitious person created by the thousands of users? But maybe, just maybe in juxtaposition of what happened to Miss Keisha, vine will return and my Instagram bio will vanish into some other corny joke. Oh and PS join newspaper club if you haven’t already, Dom Hoffmann is in it and you should be too.

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The Ursuline Chronicle:The student news magazine of Ursuline Academy
Vine: Gone but not Forgotten