A Thanksgiving Roast

Moira Carroll, Senior Writer

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.

Email This Story

A Lovely Thanksgiving Roast


HA! You probably clicked on this article expecting to learn how to prepare the finest of turkeys for the big day of gratitude. Sorry to disappoint, but this article is not really about food preparation, well I guess it kind of is. I am here to talk about Thanksgiving, but today I hope to bring something even more fun to the table, no pun intended. So, if you came here with the intention of learning how to cook, may I refer you to the millions of recipes found on any mom’s holiday pinterest board or literally every article in any women’s home magazine.  

Oh Thanksgiving, what a time! A holiday that actually encourages one to stuff our faces with high cholesterol food. As you can imagine, this is basically a field day to a teenage girl, like myself, who is constantly eating her feelings anyway. However, I won’t lie to you. Thanksgiving is kind of a messed up holiday. I know it’s a bold statement but when you really think about it, you may agree with my thinking.

Alright time to dig in. This is probably the easiest thing to target, but lets not forget how messed up the history of the holiday really is. For those of you who have never taken a single US history course, I’ll do my best to give you a good summary. Basically, this holiday is centered around the idea of the pilgrims and Native Americans coming together and sharing a meal of thanks after a successful harvest. For years, we were lured into dressing up as either a pilgrim or Native American and acting out scenes of generosity or even belting out a song  or two of gratitude. However, the first thanksgiving celebrated the slaughter of Native Americans. However, the thanksgiving offered in 1637 celebrated the murder of 700 Pequot Indians. So, while we all gather round the table celebrating the harmony of two communities, let us not forget that the Turkey we eat represents the slaughter of unarmed men, women, and children. But enough of that.

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a holiday centered around the idea of good ol’ wholesome gratitude. However in my own experience, this horrid holiday has proven to be a time that allows everyone to simply humble brag through the season.  We’ve all been there, sitting around the table with the fam, mouths watering, patiently waiting to start the meal, but alas, the dining cannot start until every single person present has said, in full list form, what they are truly grateful for this year. I for one have no problem with giving thanks for being #blessed, but c’mon this is the worst part of the night. I don’t think people understand that I have not eaten all day. Like literally, I have been waiting to go ham, not turkey, on these mashed potatoes and stuffing, and waiting for people to half heartedly say what they are grateful for is not a look. Let’s also not forget the day that comes after this holiday: Black Friday. So while everyone is wasting time around the table going off on tangents about how grateful they are for the things they have, they are also planning their black friday shopping plans to acquire more material possessions. I love a good sale as much as this next person, but c’mon you cannot dedicate a whole holiday to being thankful and then another holiday the day after to shopping! I mean this seems to defeat the whole purpose of being thankful, but whatever.

In my experience, people seem to go two ways: generic or completely and utterly over the top. My personal favorite is the generic route. In times like these, responders will often answer that they are oh so ever thankful for their family, friends, and good health. I’m going to be real with you chief, my level of gratitude does not really change from one year to the next. In fact, I normally end up saying the same generic answer each year just to move the festivities along. Do I sound ungrateful, probably, but that’s my hanger talking because all I want to do is eat. That’s also why I loathe the next attempt to express your gratitude with a burning passion. The oversharer, the person who decides everyone must know how positively amazing and blessed their life is. Like, no Aunt Regina, I don’t care that you’re grateful for your that your two Ivy league bound children and your dog that can sing the ABC’s backwards. The worst part about these tryhards is that they give off the image that they are actually concerned citizens. They sit there and talk about how grateful they are for their fortune and wellness but also don’t forget to mention how their hearts ache for the countless individuals who are homeless, suffering, or ill. Honestly, I could give them an oscar for their tear jerking performance. The more I think about it, this activity is actually pointless. For example, no one leaves the family gathering reflecting on Susie’s ten page oral dissertation about how she is thankful for chick-fil-a and that her third favorite barbie doll. But anywho, I don’t really see how this holiday could be complete without this nonsense.

Overall, in my 18 years of experience, I have personally found thanksgiving to actually be a super sus holiday. From the traumatic history to the fake blessings, this holiday really has no purpose and has taken a turn for the worst. Lastly, if this article doesn’t convince you otherwise, please remember you are boosting a holiday whose color scheme involves brown and orange pairings. Signing off, this is Moira Carroll wishing you a very sincere happy turkey day!


Print Friendly, PDF & Email